Depression, Mood Swings, and Breakups, oh my!

It's been a fair while since I wrote a blog post. Every time I went to sit down and write, the words just never came out. A lot has happened in that time. This post is about my depression, my break up after a long term relationship, and how I have been managing life after such a devastating event.  My hope is to help anyone out there in a similar situation. Some tips and tricks, if you will.

Depression doesn't stop just because you want it to. 

For a long time, I blamed the break up on myself, my depression, and mental health status. I felt like, perhaps, I didn't "get better" in time to save my relationship.  Now that the grieving period has ended (which, is normal by the way--to grieve the loss of a relationship), I can realize that this simply isn't true. None of it was my fault and none of it was my mental health's fault.

That being said, depression could have taken  hold of me at any time in the aftermath of this break up. We had been together for five years, I had lived with he and his family, or just him, for three out of those five. I was super close to his friends and family. To sum it up= it sucked. Big time. There were times I would cry at the drop of a hat. Other times I became so angry that I felt like punching a wall. I even wrote my ex nasty letters with every intention of sending them to him. I never did, though. I ended up deleting them in order to move on.

In the end, I found that these things didn't ever solve anything. Sure, it felt good to let go in the moment (which is okay to do-to feel what you're feeling, when you're feeling it), but other things seemed to help more. I'll get into that later,

So did depression overtake me? Was my life ruined? Did this event cause me to have some kind of mental break-down? No.

I think the stigma around depression, or any mental illness for that matter, is that you have to walk on egg shells around someone who happens to have a mental health "issue."  For me, it wasn't the case at all. I found that the more I opened up to my sisters and friends about what was going on, the less I felt as though my life was over.

I made time for friends and family, for t.v. shows I had been meaning to watch, books I wanted to read, and so on. Most importantly, I kept being proactive about my mental health. I continued taking my medication and seeing my therapist.

I have to say, my depression has never felt better....That came out wrong. What I mean to say is, although I still have depression, it has never been better managed than it is right now. And I've been through WAY worse than this breakup.

It hasn't all been rainbows and sunshine. Like I said, I was angry and crying and mostly just miserable for a while. I was drinking more than usual, eating crap, and not going to the gym at all. It wasn't something that felt better overnight. Not even close.

A lot of people reading this will probably be thinking, I thought she said her depression didn't overtake her life? This sounds like a depressed person!  Well,duh. I am a person who happens to have depression. My depression has never been black and white and it's never really been the whole "crying and not doing anything"-thing. It's been more a lack of motivation, lethargy, and isolation.

I never stopped being around people. I never stopped trying to get up and out of the house.
Little by little, I got better. I'm still getting better.

I've even *gasp* started dating again.

If you find yourself in the throws of an awful breakup (or another unfortunate life-event), please believe me when I say: It gets better. You will survive.

Here are some things that helped me and may help you.

Books
Get the Guy by Matthew Hussey -It's more than a dating guide. He outlines how to re-gain confidence after a break up, how to be more socially outgoing, and so on.

How To Be A Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life by Lilly Signh -I just got this book and it is amazing. Positive, down to the point, how to take control of things you cannot always control.

The Positivity Kit: Instant Happiness On Every Page -Pretty self-explanatory.

How To Be Happy (Or At Least Less Sad): A Creative Workbook -Again, pretty self-explanatory.

Meal Prep & Exercise

Ever since the break up, I have been meal prepping healthy meals for the week every single Sunday. It relaxes me and is truly fun for me to do. That, and I have healthy food for the entire week and don't have to rush around in the morning before work to pack my lunches! Going to the gym, on the other hand, has always been a struggle for me. To be honest, it still is. However, I manage to make it to the gym about two days a week after work. Three if I'm really on fire that week.

Cardio has been an amazing thing. It helps me get out aggression and any frustrations I may have at the moment. Then, at the end, it releases all of these endorphins that make you literally feel AWESOME. If you don't know what endorphins are, they're basically the feel-good hormone. I always remember this by picturing happy little dolphins swimming around in my brain. I'm weird. You don't need to say it. I already know.

Working

I don't have my dream job at the moment. However, I have been burying myself at work when I am there. I work hard, am nice to my co-workers, and bring up ideas that I think may help my work place. I'm even up for a small promotion, so I know I've been doing something right! Work, at first, was a distraction from being lonely when I would go home at the end of the day. Now, I truly find happiness in knowing I did a good job and accomplished something in my professional life.

Counseling

I've been seeing my therapist for about a year now, even before the break up I was seeing her. Over the last few sessions, she brought up an interesting theory...That somehow I forgot along the way in my social work degree...Until she brought it up...To which a light bulb went off---I digress.

Our subconscious will usually look for traits in a partner that are negative and positive traits from both of our parents. It does this in order to try to make up for the wounds in our child hood and yadda yadda, psychology-jargon.

My subconscious definitely did me dirty in my past relationship. Let me leave it at that.

Being Single Isn't The Worst Thing in the Universe

Going off of my last point, being single allows you to figure out who you are again. What you like about yourself and what you need to work on. It also allows you to reflect on what traits you want in a partner and what traits are definite deal-breakers. Cheesy, yes, but this break up has been an all around learning experience for me.

People

Never stop being around people. I mean, unless you're sleeping or peeing. You know what I'm saying, though. Friends, family, co-workers; they're all great to be around when you're feeling like that's the last thing you want--to be around others. The more your brain tells you to stay home, eat ice cream, and cry...the more you need to go out into the world. Honestly, this was one of the things that helped me the most, I feel. My sisters, friends, and family were amazing.

They let me talk about the break up when I wanted to and didn't force anything. I went bowling, out to sushi, out to bars, even to pot lucks! My point is, even if you're someone who gets slightly anxious in social situations like myself, JUST DO IT. Get out and allow yourself to have fun. You are more than allowed to do this--You deserve it.

Youtubers

I've always been a fan of Youtube. A few years ago, I stumbled onto a SacconeJoly video and was hooked. I watch Youtube to laugh, to feel inspired, to gain even more appreciation for the things I do have, and so much more.  Here are a few (there are way too many to list all of them) Youtubers that helped me through and ones I still watch:

The SacconeJolys -Daily vloggers who document their lives with their children and 6? 7? They have a LOT of cute doggies.

Jenna Marbles -Hilarious. That is all.

Shane Dawson -Conspiracy videos, lighting stuff on fire, and eating weird food, Also hilarious.

The Frey Life -Daily vloggers that take you along their journey of life with cysitic fibrosis.

Melanie Murphy -Anything from beauty to food to mental health. She's awesome,

Lilly Singh -Funny and inspirational and positive vibes.

Whitney Simmons -Meal prep, work out, and lifestyle.

Life brings you things that you don't ask for. Things that you never think are going to happen. Events that you could never have even imagined to prepare for. This is true for negative as well as positive life-matters. I wouldn't say I'm 100% healed from this event, but I keep on going. Every day I feel more and more like myself and every day I am closer to being 100%.

Don't forget to breathe,
--Dana

Setting Intentions and Self Care

Hello, people of the interwebs! I haven't posted in a while because of life things, but I really wanted to share some things I've been doing lately to look after my health as well as my mental well-being/stress levels. Self-care is essential because if we don't take care of ourselves on the most basic of levels first, we can't be free to help others or even be in the moment with our loved ones in the ways that we want.

One thing I have been trying to do nearly every single day for about two to three weeks now is set an intention for myself for the rest of the day. I try to do this in the morning, before I get out of bed. Basiclly this means, I set up in my mind what I want to accomplish on a certain day. It could be a to-do list of tasks, but more likely than not I try to set up a positive way of thinking as my intention.

Usually, I dread getting up and going to work. Whenever I feel that dread, I try to replace it with a better, more positive way of thinking. For instance, I may be thinking, "Man I really don't want to go to work. Customers are mean." I'll then try to replace that negative thought with one such as, "Yeah, this job isn't the best right now, but I've been busting my butt applying to other jobs. There are a lot of good things coming my way and I just need to suck this up in the meantime."

Most days, my intention is, "Today is going to be a good day, no matter what others do or say around you. You're in control of your happiness and you're in control of how today is going to go."

Another way I like to set an intention for myself is either through meditation or yoga. For instance, if I have the time in the morning to do a quick yoga routine, I'll quietly thank myself for giving the time to the practice, however little time that may be. If I don't have time for either, I have found doing a simple yoga pose for at least five minutes, focusing on my breathing, and setting an intention for my day, has been super helpful. That one pose is: legs up the wall. I know it sounds way easy and pretty lame, but don't knock it until you try it. If you even google it, you'll come up with tons of health benefits for this one pose. If you want to try it, here's a helpful video!

Socially, I have been trying to make time to see friends and family, though I still don't see these people as much as I would like to. Being an adult, having adult friends...it means everyone is busy and everyone has a different schedule. However, I have found that when I make time to see these people, the ones who matter most, it really boosts my mood and overall well-being. I can't really explain it, but I just feel better, mentally. I plan on working on this more and more.

Aromatherapy is something fairly new to me. My amazing boyfriend got me an aromatherapy essential oil diffuser for my birthday and I am in love with it. I currently only have two essential oils, because they're a bit pricey for good quality ones, but I seriously have found a positive difference in my mood. I even sleep better! I add a few (2-3) drops of the essential oil to my diffuser, plug it in and just let the scent fill the room. I have lemongrass oil, which helps with depression and anxiety, lifts mood, can be used as a pain reliever, and can even boost energy. Psst, it's what I have in my diffuser now as I write this.

I also have lavender oil, because it's amazing. It calms and soothes nerves, reduces stress/anxiety, and can aid in relaxation/sleep. To help me get a deeper, more restful night sleep, I have been putting the diffuser on with the lavender oil inside while I play on my phone before bed. I know, I know. I should be meditating or contemplating my life goals or some shizz, but I really just want to watch Youtube before bed. Sue me. Anyway, I'd say within 20-30minutes I am asleep. Which is amazing considering it usually takes me about an hour to an hour and half to fall asleep normally. I sleep more soundly and feel a lot less tired throughout the day because I'm getting a fuller night's sleep. If you're interested in getting your own diffuser, here's where my boyfriend bought mine from: Aromatherapy Diffuser

Also, side note: be super careful with what you put into the diffuser. Don't, for the love of your lungs, DO NOT put potpourri oil into it. Only pure essential oils.

Getting organized is another thing I've been doing to help myself get motivated and be a more productive person. This is partly due to the fact that my sister MADE me a dang planner for a birthday gift and I'm in love with it. Anyway, just planning out my week: what I have to do, what bills are due, when am I working and off, when can I apply to jobs, when I should do this or that...it's really helped to make my days more productive. In fact, yesterday was one of the most productive job-applying-laundry-doing-working-out-etc, day I've had in a long time. You can get nice planners for a reasonable price. Make planning things fun by using colored pens and highlighters and yes, many many stickers.
                                     

Finally, I have been trying to make time to read more. When I actually sit down with a good book and a possibly good cup of tea, I thoroughly enjoy it. I think my brain just gets so tired from all the other things I have going on sometimes that the last thing it wants to do is read a book. However, I've been making an effort to read more, despite feeling tired or wanting to play on my phone. Right now I'm reading Tina Fey's Bossy Pants and it's hysterical.

Anyway, this post was a bit of a ramble, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. I hope this helped some of you out there who struggle to keep up with a self-care plan. You're not alone.

Don't forget to breathe.
--Dana

Mindful Friday

This past week was another stressful one. My car was going all wonky and I was really worried I was going to need to shell out hundreds of dollars to get it fixed. Thankfully, my boyfriend's dad knows cars and how to fix most problems. It only ended costing around 80 bucks. Though I lucked out, it was an eye-opening experience. One that told me my car isn't going to last forever-that I have to save up for a new one in the (very) near future.

The car is...well really really old. Over ten years old. And it has a zillion miles on it. Though, now, it still runs well and all, I know I really need to seriously start saving. Two things ran through my mind when I realized this. One: I can't afford this with student loans to pay back And two: My dad gave me this car-I'm not ready to get rid of it. 

Although the reality of finances kicked in and that was difficult to deal with, more than that was the symbolism I felt around possibly getting rid of this car in the near future. I don't want to give up on this car like I gave up on my father and any relationship with him. I don't want to deal with the fact that he was super proud and happy that he could give this car to me (and at the time my sister as well) and now I may need to sell or junk it. It was really one of the few times I remember my dad being happy that he could do something for his girls.

On top of all of this, father's day is this coming Sunday. I work retail. Everyone's all about the father's day. It's hitting me harder than I thought it would, to be honest. It isn't the first father's day without my dad being here, but at the same time it doesn't feel that way. It feels like I just spoke to him when in reality, it's been a year and change since he passed away.

Even when he and I would be in areas of life where we weren't speaking to one another, I'd always call him on father's day. It was the one time a year, even more so than Christmas or any other day, that I would set aside time and call. It didn't matter if he was angry on the other end, it didn't matter if he was upset or even crying--I'd still call.

For those of you reading who don't have a clue about my relationship with my father...it was unhealthy. I'll leave it at that for now because this post isn't about what my dad was and what he wasn't to me.

Anyway, this whole car thing this week really made me think about my dad and I've just realized that that's okay. It's okay to think about him and still be sad/mad/upset/etc. I don't think there's a time limit set on grieving. It's okay to still have moments where I am. This bad week reminded me to be kind to myself and take the time to feel what I'm feeling instead of pushing it aside or even worse--suppressing it. That only makes things like anxiety worse.

Anyway, sadness and blegh-ness over. Onto having the rest of this Friday and Saturday OFF!

Don't forget to breathe.
--Dana

Yoga

I wanted to write a blog about yoga...but I'm not an expert "Yogi," or whatever you want to call it. I've been doing yoga for about two years now and, to be honest, I don't do it every single day. There's times where I'm too tired or just don't have the time to fully commit to a yoga practice. However, as of recently, I've fallen back in love with yoga.

Mind-Body-Connection

I'm not the most flexible, most athletic, or most fit person...but yoga really helps me feel better; body and mind. For me, yoga isn't about getting into the "perfect" pose you may see on a magazine cover or something. It means exploring and finding what feels the best for your own body, where it is, in

whatever moment you're in. Since I've started yoga, I have almost no back pain. In fact, back pain was the reason I decided to try out yoga in the first place. I've even started to notice small differences in my knee pain as well. It's amazing!

Yoga is NOT, by any means, an "easy" work out. It so isn't. I think the longest yoga work out I've done has been about 45 minutes, and that's with breaks in between hard poses. Yoga reminds me to be gentle with myself and the thoughts I have about myself. For example, I may think, "God, Dana. You can't even get into this pose. What's wrong with you?!" But then, I'll gently remind myself that I get better every time I step onto my yoga mat. There's nothing wrong with not being able to have the "perfect" tree pose (or any other pose...tree is just particularly difficult for me).

Once I've reminded myself of this, I can carry on this same notion of 'being gentle with myself,' throughout the rest of my day. For instance, if I'm in a social situation and am embarrassed just by my own awkward-self, I try to remind myself that I'm perfectly fine the way I am, awkwardness and all.

In fact, my boyfriend even says that's kind of why he loves me.
Now everybody at once: 1, 2, 3..."Awwwwwwwwwwh."

Spirituality/Mindfulness

I'm not religious, by any means. It's not to say that having a religion/faith/organization/etc. isn't a good thing-- I believe it can be for some people.  Although I don't have a set, organized religion that I follow, I do believe in spirituality. Yoga helps me to connect to that spiritual-side, especially in those quiet or resting moments where I can really sink into a pose or focus on my breath. 

Sometimes it can be something as simple as placing my hands together at my heart, closing my eyes, and breathing deeply. Sometimes when I do this, I feel better connected and grounded to this crazy thing we call life. I feel calmer, more motivated, and even happier. I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be when I finish a yoga practice; that I'm better equipped to live life in the moment. 

Yoga also reminds me to be mindful. The entire practice seems to be focused around being aware of the ground beneath your feet (and at times, hands), feeling the blood pump through your heart, feeling your breath move through you and help guide your practice. All of these things are encouraging in order to be more mindful, both in yoga practice and outside of it. 

For example, even if I come into contact with a rude person in my day, I remind myself that there has to be a reason that person is that way. It probably isn't anything I've done and nothing I can control, but he or she is carrying an invisible load on their back that no one else can see. Of course I get annoyed at rude people, I'm only human. However, I try to remind myself to be mindful of what that person may be going through. It helps with how I choose to react to that person.

Mood

Yoga sometimes can make a bad day turn into a good one. Or at the very least, it can help make a bad day not suck quite as much. My mood can sometimes dramatically improve when I do yoga. I like to

do yoga first thing in the morning, not a heavy or particularly long session, but yoga nonetheless. It helps wake me up and get my body and mind moving, ready to start the day. It can even do the opposite of this, help me to relax so I can get to sleep. I always have loved doing a relaxation/unwinding/ etc. yoga practice before bed, especially if I'm stressed out or anxious. Not only am I better able to fall asleep, but the sleep is deeper and more restful.

Speaking about anxiety, yoga is amazingggg for anxiety. As I said before, it helps to connect me to my breath and push away any negative thoughts, especially those that are aimed at myself. I find my anxiety likes to do that a lot, give my brain thoughts that deal with: shame, guilt, belittling, doubt, etc...and those thoughts are all aimed at my abilities to do certain tasks in life. I know none of them are true, but sometimes it's hard to remember that when the anxiety-monster is in full swing. Yoga definitely helps my brain calm down and I don't feel as panicked when I'm able to breathe, I mean really breathe. 

Goals For Myself

Again, I'm not a professional "yogi" or "yoga-master." In fact, some of the things yoga can express at times, like sticking out your tongue and breathing like a lion (it's a real thing, google it), is just too weird for me. But for the most part, I absolutely love what yoga has done for my life.  One day, I'd love to be able to do really cool yoga poses like a wheel barrel pose or even some inversion poses.

I'm just not there yet, and that's okay. Hell, I'd be happy if I could get my feet all the way to the mat when I practice downward facing dog. My main goal for yoga is to just keep at it. To not forget how good it makes me feel when I'm doing it and when I'm finished.

Here are some yoga videos I love:

Yoga with Adriene: Morning Sequence

Yoga with Adriene: Sun Salutation Practice

Yoga with Adriene: Stress Relief

Tara Stiles: Yoga Weight Loss and Balance Workout

Tara Stiles: Relaxing Bedtime Yoga

There's a lot more, but Youtube is an amazing resource for anyone interested in yoga. Just type whatever yoga routine you want, chances are, there's a video for it!

Don't forget to breathe.

--Dana