Today has been...well kind of "meh," to put it simply. It hasn't been the worst day I've ever had, but it hasn't been the best. I woke up this morning feeling beaten up (thank you, P90X), I didn't sleep last night very well, and I wanted to apply to all the jobs today. I only ended up applying to one per diem job that I really don't want. I started to get pretty negative today and down on myself.
I've been so wrapped up in working as much as possible, saving money (or trying to), and finding a job that sometimes my days just don't turn out as great as I want them to be (something I mentioned in my last Mindful Friday blog post). I'll think, "Well today wasn't particularly bad, but I'm still in the same place and nothing has changed." I'm my own worst enemy. Sometimes I beat myself up really bad. I always forget that it's okay to have a "bad" or "not so great" day. It's okay to not be happy and energetic 24/7.
It's okay to just veg out and watch The Boxtrolls (which is completely what I did today when I was fed up with job hunting). Everyone has a bad day and it's totally normal. I put so much pressure on myself, needlessly, to always be happy and pleasant and nice. Sometimes I just can't be any of that. It's sometimes just no longer in my capacity.
Although today was a bit of a bummer, (I searched for jobs for 4 hours and only found one to apply to...among other things.) I am trying to focus on the good. Another "not so great" part of my day is that I've been alone all day and everyone is going out tonight to do something. I have no plans and can't make plans since I work early tomorrow morning. I'm a person who likes to, at least some parts of the day, be around other people. Being alone, most of the time, isn't a great feeling I have.
Earlier in the day I was focused on the "you're alone" aspect of things as well as the "you'll never find a job" kind of things...but now I have a different mind set. I decided to stop the job search and I also decided to just cut out the negative self-talk that was going on. Instead, I'm now focusing on: "Yeah, you're alone tonight but that means you can blast Netflix tonight while you take a bath!"
One good thing that came out of the job hunt today was that a friend gave me the company name she works for and said she'd tell her boss about my application when I apply. I also thought about all of the state jobs I've applied to over the last 3 months that are closing soon and that could possibly be calling me in the near future. Finally, I realized that I'm not really alone at all. I have amazing friends and family and a boyfriend who is literally my rock. So there's some good for ya.
This was a bit of a ramble and way longer than I intended, but I really just wanted to share my thoughts and things. Focusing on the good in every situation (and I believe every single situation and circumstance has some good to it) really does help when I start to become pessimistic. It can help make a bad day not be so bad. If you haven't tried it, I definitely recommend you do the next time you're having an off day!
Don't forget to breathe.
--Dana
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