Monday, April 27, 2015

Holy crap.

Holy crap is right. After this Wednesday, I officially have no more classes. After next Saturday, I'm officially a college graduate. What. The. Hell. It's such a surreal feeling. I never thought I'd even ever go to college and now I'm about to graduate with a Bachelors in Social Work and a minor in Holistic Health.

Again, I say, What. The. Hell.

During my college career I had a Meditation class. In fact, it was last year that I took it. Anyway,  on the last day of class, our professor gave us this presentation of various different looking roads.

 It was a metaphor to describe life and the millions of roads you can travel, how many possibilities there are on this wild adventure...and so on. She said it more eloquently than I am right now, but I have never forgotten the image of a road and the feeling of chapters in my life ending and beginning all at the same time.

The chapter of: finishing classes, getting a degree, saying goodbye to Stockton (although I can't say if it'll be goodbye for forever), and all the memories I have...this chapter is closing.

Of course I've learned so much--not just course work and social work/holistic health things--but about myself as well. The most important thing I think I've learned is to believe that I am capable of so much more than I think I am. All I have to do is push myself a bit past my comfort zone and I can do amazing things and amazing things for others.

Even though chapters are closing, others are just beginning. The job search (oh the job search), discovering myself and new capabilities, continuing to work on myself in various aspects (maybe another blog post), and just being an actual, real adult...those chapters are just starting. It's terrifying.

 It's amazing. It's a happy time. It's a sad time. It's so many of the things!

College for me, was really important  to experience, I think. Even though I never went away to college, lived in a dorm, or got super involved in activities, it was still incredibly significant.

 There have been times where college has definitely helped me keep my sanity.Those times where I needed college and the course work to serve as a distraction for what was happening at home. Those times I wanted to feel as though I had purpose. Those times I knew about a topic or subject and helped to contribute-making my confidence go up. Things like this.

College was also the first time I decided to speak to a school social worker about my anxiety. (Whoa, just realized this. Hah.)

Other times college has made me want to go crazy. Staying up all night to cram for exams (that no matter how much you study for-you still only get a C on, anyway). The- finding an internship fiasco. Getting sick and still dragging your butt to school. Final capstone project, cough-cough.

The confidence I've gained in myself and what I can do, the friendships and networks I've been a part of and still plan on continuing, I've made connections I never knew I was capable of making.

This shy, semi-socially-isolated-person has now become so happy, proud, accomplished, confident, and healthy. I still get flabbergasted at how far a few years can take a person and this time that person is me.

 I've never really had the feeling of being all that stuff: happy-proud-accomplished-confident. For the first time in my life I feel rounded and more connected to myself and others; my goals.

People keep asking me what my plans are after I graduate. Where do I see myself in the next few years? Where do I want to work? What are you going to do with your life, Dana?

 The answer to all of those questions is simple and the same: I don't know. This is something that worries me, but more than the worry, it excites me.

Life isn't always this big planned out...well, plan. I have this huge list of goals and wishes for myself, but life is unpredictable. I can't predict what will happen, where I'll be, what I'll be doing. I know what I would like in all those scenarios, but my main goal is to just live life (un-college-life) with an open heart and open mind. Try to be happy with the simple things and be grateful for the people I surround myself with. I know none of these things keep you warm at night or put food on the table.

My opinion: That this way of thinking can't hurt.

Whether or not I have a job in social work or holistic health-ish fields, whether or not I go back to school for a Master's degree; I've committed myself to a life-long learning process. I'll always be a student in this crazy shit-storm we call life and I'm more than okay with that.

As for actual goals, I can only think pretty short-term. After I graduate: read a lot more books (that
aren't text books), spend more time outdoors, look after my health (mental and physical), strengthen and make new relationships. and to just be happy. 

Also, food. Mainly tacos. Yes. Tacos.

I could ramble on and on but this post is already longer than I wanted it to be. Too mushy-hippie-dippie, too. Oh well, deal.

Don't forget to breathe.

No comments:

Post a Comment